Friday, January 20, 2017


Dear "friend" of

Fed up with your government/communist dictator/family/weather/life?

Sick to death of being associated with the useless population of your crummy country?

Being hounded by the masses for voting "incorrectly" in the latest farcical presidential election/EU referendum/parish council by-election/X Factor semi-final/W.I. Chutneys and Pickles Campaign?


Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Slow you down

Photographs from a trio of daydrifts.


Cromer beach. More than a bit blustery and nippy

The beginnings of a rainbow

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Friday The 13th

  Hat's proximity alarm bell started to ring.
  Bloody people! You pick a nice cold, dark, blustery evening to go out - in conditions that once seen out of their window, any normal person would have shaken their head at, ignored the dog's plaintive whine for a walk, and sat down with a nice cup of tea in front of a repeat of Downton Abbey - and people turn up to ruin it.
  I looked along the promenade, but couldn't see anyone anywhere. In fact, the prom appeared strangely spacious and desolate, as if there was something missing. Something I couldn't quite put my long, bendy finger on.
  I pursed my lips as Hat clung even more tightly to my head in the rising wind, its proximity bell ringing manically. I resolved myself to either getting Hat's instruction manual out when I got home, or smashing that bell to bits with a lump hamme-

* C R A S H *

"Yaaarrgh!"  I almost jumped out of my skin as an explosion of wood, glass and ghastly Laura Ashley curtains suddenly went off not two feet from my nose (from which I removed a large, blue-painted splinter). Someone tried to drop a house on me! (Again. And again.)

* blingle glingle glingle *

  That bloody bell again!

* S M A S H *

  Another explosion. From a few feet behind me. This time, as well as the wood and glass, I was peppered with cheap plastic cutlery and a damp box of firelighters*.
  Bugger this for a lark, I thought, and ran off down the promenade, clutching Hat to my head, dodging falling beach huts.


Sunday, January 01, 2017

"Did the plan fail, Edward?"*

 * Tulip 'Tubbs' Tattsyrup
(The League of Gentlemen series 1, episode 4 "The Beast of Royston Vasey")

 As you have almost certainly guessed due to the lack of a certain year's review, time has escaped us, and as a consequence, our plan for hosting the 2016 Coven Awards failed.
 And it's all the Host's fault!
 It was! I did my bit. I recapped what we'd done over the past year.
 Yeah, but that was the easy bit. It's only a bloody list of most of our blog posts, after all!
 Be that as it may, I still did it. I can see it languishing in our draft posts under this one. In fact, I'm going to pop back in time by a minute to publish it! If you and your irritating SubConscious weren't such procrastinating lazy arses-
 I'll have you know, I've made quite a lot of the award headers, thank you!
 Yeah! It's your SubC who's the lazy arse. Where are the quarterly post headers, hmm? I mean, how difficult is it to slap together four shitting banners that say 'January, February, March', or 'July, August, September', eh?
 I can't be blamed for that! Witchface has kept me busy with other things...
 Excuses, excuses-
 So what excuse have you got for not preparing and organising all the awards, then? How is everyone supposed to know who the Sexiest Strictly Ginger is? Or, what's our most Coveted Cusp Book Cover? Or, Beaky's Most Embarassing Blunder? Or, our Favourite Frogbot Infested Post? Or, which Sci-Figure has the Coldest, Deadest, Prettiest Eyes?
 And what our Favourite Font is?!?
A Starfleet dinosaur?!?
 Well... Um... There's, uhh...
 I thought so. Nothing. You've got nothing!
 As a matter of fact, I have. Dinosaurs!
 My excuse is dinosaurs. And Star Trek.
 Oh, gods...
 And you couldn't even manage to finish that, either.
 Shut up, you!


Saturday, December 31, 2016

The Year of the Cormorant Coven Awards

Don't go expecting any actual awards - see the following post for details

January : The year began by looking out from the Lighthouse; and due to a complete lack of preparation, we subjected you to some Old Art, then drank Black Shuck Gin to get over it; it was Cold in Cromer; we celebrated LX's birthday; and had a Wednesday Walk to Overstrand.

February : A Weekend of Walks in Trimingham, Northrepps and Frogshall started the month, which was followed by the Be All but not the End All; we showed you the creepy Witch Wringers of Small Hopes Hill; Chrysaor came for tea along with an unwelcome guest; we took a stroll on Overstrand beach; and dreamed of 13 Little Dolls.

March : We shared some books exclusive to the Cusp in Not The 2016 Infomaniac Book Challenge; celebrated Ms Scarlet's birthday; took a trio of Weekend Walkies; and helped to celebrate The Very Mistress MJ's 10th anniversary of blogging with The House of Infomaniac 10th anniversary Tour.

April : Various maps were brought out to illustrate our walks; our musical leanings were brought forth in a meme from Mistress Maddie; a new camera unveiled weekend wildlife; we were almost poked on Smallhopes Hill; and that vile little stinker Beaky returned.

May : Green Men abounded in Norwich cathedral; Beaky almost had my eye out; warmer weather brought forth wild flowers; MirrorMe made a nuisance of himself; there was an incidence of cockchafing; and we ended up on the other side of the hedge.

June : June saw the first of our take on Ms Scarlet's Books on Chairs post; cupcakes vs cockatrice; some garden photos; Apocalypse Oven's more evil twin featured in a short film; and we celebrated Princess's birthday by kissing a frog.

July : Due to busyness and interlopers from France, we only managed one post in July, and that was just a recap of what we'd been up to at the end of June!

August : After seeing off the pesky French, the blog almost became a photo album with five consecutive posts that served as dumping grounds for photos taken in July; we avoided being sucked into the jet intakes of the Red Arrows; plus, there was very almost nudity!

September : September saw weeing cormorants and rubbish Creepycous-cous; Sunday Music; Frogbot-related angst; my 900th post and more photos of the North Norfolk countryside.

October : Amongst yet more photos along the coast were the third Infomaniac Book Challenge (headed up by a wet-trunks clad Jeffrey Hunter); forty things about me; a Star Trek horror novel art challenge; some real books that weren't on chairs; and a ropey-looking Hallowe'en marrow and pumpkin.

November : The fourth Infomaniac Book Challenge started off the month, followed by a desperate recap of televisual viewing not aided by Evil Edna; that little git Beaky made a showing; a stroll along the seafront; and we answered four questions.

December : After a book update, we unleashed a barrage of photos from a beach walk to Sheringham and back; a Vulcan Winter Solstice greetings card was revealed; and the fifth and final Infomaniac Book Challenge revealed more about The Very Mistress than she would probably like us to know!


 Yes, this is unfinished, but I've done my bit. If the Host and the SubCs are too bloody lazy to do their bits, then bugger them!

Monday, December 26, 2016

Yowe skinnie owlde Snatch-pastry*

  Hello! We hope you all had a lovely Yuletide, Christmas, Winterval, whatever?

  I'm just squeezing in a final "books read this year" post - one without a chair in sight, although, as you can see by the photo, it does have a Christmas theme even though none of the books are Christmas-related.
 I'm a little off the target of 60 books this year (to beat last year's 59), but it's quality not quantity that counts, right?


51. Strata, by Terry Pratchett (1981)

 The excavation showed the fossilized plesiosaur had been holding a placard which read. 'End Nuclear Testing Now'.
 That was nothing unusual.
 But then came a discovery which did intrigue Kin Arad.
 A flat earth was something new...

 Last read back in 2010, here

Friday, December 23, 2016

Not The 2016 Infomaniac Book Challenge V

  Good news, everybody! I was a runner-up in the "Guess The Mistress's Menstrual Cycle" competition during the 10th anniversary celebrations of the House of Infomaniac and - finally! - my runner-up prize has arrived, just in time for the final entry in the Not The 2016 Infomaniac Book Challenge.

ξ : The Very Mistress MJ Diaries ("A Friend" Publishing)

  No sooner had the (poorly) gift-wrapped book dropped through my letterbox, than I tore it open and plumped myself down in the recliner to read it (peeling brussels sprouts be damned! - I don't like them anyway). I ploughed through The Very Mistress MJ Diaries in no time, devouring every little tidbit that the author had scraped together from ten years of grubbing around in The Mistress's trash can. These candid images offer revelations into the life of The Mistress!

  As I don't have time to go through it all with you, nevermind scan the choicest pictures, I shall leave you with the excerpts from amuze-bouke.cusp (the Cusp's answer to Amazon):

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Winter Solstice

  It's the Winter Solstice today. At 10:44 UTC, to be precice.
This scene from Star Trek III: The Search For Spock
will become clear later in the post
[image via]
  As I'm sure you all know, the solstice occurs when the North Pole is tilted the furthest away from the sun (23.5 degrees). This means the Northern Hemisphere experiences its shortest day, while the Southern Hemisphere basks in its longest day.
 However, don't go thinking that the solstice is always on the 21st December. Due to the wobbly old Earth and our not solar-accurate clocks, the solstice can occur as early as the 20th and as late as the 23rd December (although occurrences on those dates are rare - it's more usual on the 21st and 22nd). 

Saturday, December 10, 2016

These are some of our...

(created via)

Just trying something out for our end of year review.

Wednesday, December 07, 2016

Landscapes in the black mirror are closer than they appear...

  I took 150odd photos during my beach walk on Saturday, and even after whittling them down, I still had 59 that I wanted to display. I managed to use three of them in Beach Borg, 39 in the last post, and omit a further nine, so here are the remaining eight - all of which have something in common.


Sunday, December 04, 2016

Just a couple of cormorants

  So, here it is: photographic evidence of yesterday's six mile foray along the beach from Cromer to Sheringham, taking in East and West Runton along the way (oh, and the six miles back again).
  As I walked west along the prom(enade) after taking some photos on the pier, I realised that I'd never (as far as I can remember, anyway) been on the west beach!


As always: Click to embiggen! 

The Hotel de Paris on top of the cliff above the pier (with Cromer Church tower behind it)

The Pavilion Theatre at the end of the pier
(not right at the end, though, as that's where the lifeboat station is)

Saturday, December 03, 2016

Beach Borg

  Amongst the sand, sea, chalk, and seaweed of West Runton beach, lurks an infiltrator from that race of unfeeling, uncaring, cybernetic perfectionists: The Borg.

  This one appears to be only a probe, which probably crashed here in Victorian times - just look how steampunk it is! But don't let appearances fool you. Borg can lay dormant for decades, if not centuries, just waiting for someone to get close enough to warrant a good poke with their assimilation tubules!

  This sign from West Runton beach is clearly missing a yellow warning triangle instructing beachgoers to Beware of old-timey Borg!

  Who knew North-Norfolk's beaches could be so dangerous?!

  Well, you can judge for yourself how dangerous they are in my next post which will be crammed full of photos from today's walk along the beach from Cromer to Sheringham and back.