Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Redshirts


Beaky feeding a young Redshirt
  Despite it being just an ordinary day of little consequence, chores still need doing, things still need to be done, and plants, pets and other lifeforms still need to be fed, watered, and the like. 

 A little over a month ago, just after Tim's triumphant half-arsed return to blogging, we reluctantly agreed to look after his minions Army of Darkness, as he clearly couldn't be bothered with them anymore. 
And it's a good job we did, as he hasn't been seen since!
  Yes. Castlette Device and its modest estate is now home to some of the prettiest-
 And stupidest!
  And stupidest cannon fodder ever to grace the small screen: Redshirts!

 
A Redshirt assignment patch
fashioned out of leftovers
from Ms Scarlet's gown
  You might think we'd be more than a little pleased to have hundreds of strapping young men hanging around the place to pander to our every whim and desire, but that delight wore off pretty quickly.
 They need feeding, clothing (I've resorted to using old curtains and magazines to make their clothes), exercising, mental stimulation - as we just couldn't cope if they became any more stupid - and bathing. Many of the younger Redshirts also need hand-rearing, but we've managed to rope Beaky and his extended family in to do that.
  We also think that they're breeding somewhere as, despite all our care and attention, we keep finding dead Redshirts (in the tumble dryer, down the back of the sofa, behind the hot water tank, lodged up the chimney etc.) but their numbers never seem to diminish! 

  Look, we've got to go - I can hear them bickering about whose turn it is to wash the toaster and I don't think my sciatica can cope with digging yet another grave...     


14 comments:

  1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I'm going to write this date in my diary, I shan't miss it again!
    Hope you're having a wonderful day, big hugs... although I only come up to your waist, which could be awkward and highly inappropriate.
    Sxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In that case, I shall get on a step ladder or chair (as long as it hasn't got books on it) so there will be no inappropriate awkwardness.


      Wait! I've had another idea: You could could get on the stepladder (or chair)...

      Delete
  2. A little bird flew over and dropped a hint.(Not what we used to call in the old days!)
    But, since Im pretty smart, I understood the hint and am here to sing Happy Birthday to you.What? You wanted strip-a-gram?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's the reason I've taken so long to reply - sulking due to a lack of strip-a-gramness

      Delete
  3. Perhaps some Borg implants can improve their, shall we say, capabilities. Just set up some regeneration pods in the greenhouse, and you won't have to worry about their feeding, cleaning, sleeping, and educational needs. Then you just have to come up with their new designations. Since Borgs love numbers, why not be patriotic and name them after famous British places, like 10 Downing Street; or Buckingham Palace, London SW1A 1AA; or better yet, the local fish and chips shop address!

    !~.~*~•~!~.~*~•~!~.~*~•~!~.~*~•~
    Happy Birthday, IDV!!!
    •~*~.~•~*~.~•~*~.~•~*~.~•~*~.~•~

    __i_i_i__
    [*O*O*O]
    [~~~~~~]

    .*.~!~.*.~!~.*.~!~.*.~!~
    Cheers and Best wishes for many more years of good friends, good experiences, and good laughs!

    •.
    (.*)
    _I_

    *•.~*•.~*•.~*.•~*.•~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh, I like the idea of Very British Borg... Thank you, Eros!

      Delete
  4. Aw bless, happy birthday dear boy.
    I just knew you had a soft spot for Beaky, or at least would end up taking him on to the staff!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I did give in to his demands that he be allowed to pick off the lame and weak ones!

      Delete
  5. Mind you don't put them on the wrong wash cycle or you'll have pinkshirts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Which will only be fit for a Ken doll after that hot wash fades the dye and shrinks them, too!

      Delete
  6. Terribly late, I beg your pardon.

    Best wishes to Your Birthday IDV - ad multos annos !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Mago. I'm just glad you made it.

      Delete